Mario and Link's Adventure

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Mario and Link's Adventure

Post  Quill9 on Sun Oct 07, 2007 7:10 pm

Here is the first Writer's Lounge story ok?
Post if ya want.

Chapter 1: The Mushroom Begining
Mario was asleep and snoring like he normally does now. He was dreaming of eating loads of mushrooms and growing big and steping on bowser. Then suddlenly he woke up but he was not really awake. He was sleep walking! Peach was in the Castle Living Room and Mario came in through the door putting his arms forward like a Zombie and saying Ahhhhhh! Peach was not surprised because this happened all the time with Mario lately. Suddenly Yoshi came running through the door and said to Peach that there is something outside witch looks like a portal and someone with a sword is there and it looks like there is a Princess there. Maybe its Daisy though Peach. Peach slaped Mario witch made him wake up and they went outside to find out if it was Daisy or someone they did not know.

Im 10 and not good at spelling btw.
think there is some mistakes but nvm
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Re: Mario and Link's Adventure

Post  Captain_Conker06 on Sun Oct 07, 2007 7:28 pm

I like the plot, but the first chapter seems a bit... short don't you think?
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Re: Mario and Link's Adventure

Post  Quill9 on Sun Oct 07, 2007 7:30 pm

I could not think off anything else to put in Chapter 1
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Re: Mario and Link's Adventure

Post  Princess Midna on Tue Oct 09, 2007 7:01 am

try putting in more detail Smile that would help a reader make a better picture
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Re: Mario and Link's Adventure

Post  Quill9 on Tue Oct 09, 2007 10:03 am

NVM

Chapter 2: The Adventure Begins
Mario and the others get to this place Yoshi Saw and they stare at two people. It was not Daisy and the swordsmen did not look like a guard. Ummm Hello? Asked Peach. Who are you? I am Link and that is Zelda replied Link. Who are you? Im Peach that is Mario and that is Yoshi replied Peach. How did you get here? Asked Zelda. Ummm we live here replied Yoshi. Do you live here? We dont even know were this place is replied Link. Then were are you from then? Asked Mario. We live in Hyrule witch is a Fantastic Kingdom Said Link. We went through this portal witch is behind us and we found ourselves here. There is no portal they said Mario. (Link and Zelda turns Around) Oh No were is the portal gone? Screamed Zelda! We can't get home! No worrys we will help ya said Mario. You will? Asked Link. Sure we will! replied Peach. But it will cost ya 500 coins! said Mario. MARIO said Peach. Ok OK Ok quitley said Mario
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Re: Mario and Link's Adventure

Post  Kazooieman on Tue Oct 09, 2007 10:09 am

It's a good setting but for a 10 year old you should have made it better punctuated and made better spelling!

You should know that Witch is Which, how and when to use commas and how and when to use talking marks! Wink Otherwise the school that you go to isn't very good. I learn't how to do all that when i turned 10! Wink
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Re: Mario and Link's Adventure

Post  Quill9 on Tue Oct 09, 2007 10:11 am

ahh whats the point spelling it right or commes blah blah blah. I do all that stuff at school but why should i do it on the computer
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Re: Mario and Link's Adventure

Post  Kazooieman on Tue Oct 09, 2007 10:14 am

Because it makes the reader understand it faster... it could look like Zelda is saying something and then link is supposed to say something but it's still Zelda who says it! Wink

Also it's a little bit hard to take the story seriously when hardly any work has gone into making it look more presentable! Wink
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Re: Mario and Link's Adventure

Post  Chaotic on Tue Oct 09, 2007 10:14 am

Correct grammar, punctuation, and spelling make stories easier to read and understand.

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Re: Mario and Link's Adventure

Post  Princess Midna on Wed Oct 10, 2007 1:29 am

lol i had to read the sentence over to see who was talking
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